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Ever since I wrote 5 Things for 5 Years, I told myself to write top things I’ve learned each year during my marriage, adding one for each year.
This year has definitely had a lot of lessons for us. A new job, a big move 1,300 miles away, and living in a small apartment. Facing the unknown has been very scary. It has made us stronger and ready for anything that life throws at us.
For our 6 year anniversary, we decided to make the trip back home to Virginia. It’s always great to see our close friends and revisit our favorite spots but it definitely made us real homesick for a few days.
And for this blog post….better late than never.
1- Communication! It’s always hard for me to get my feelings out right away. I get upset easily if he’s frustrated with something. Especially if it deals with something personal. He’s only human but so am I. I have to think about what I want to say before I make a point without saying anything rash. And he’s learning to be patient with how I communicate. It takes work.
2- Make each other’s decisions for each other. My husband has voiced for a long time that he’s unhappy with the commute and I’ve long supported him on his job search. Once he found a fitting job, it was a rollercoaster of “yes” and “no”. I realized he needs someone in his corner to put his foot down and make the decision for him. Even though it meant major sacrifices.
3- It’s okay to cry. This year was probably our hardest to date. While I’ve been behind him all this time, I kept a lot of feelings in. I fought hard to stay strong and keep my eyes open. But damn, you just need to cry it out and let it go. As hard as it may seem, that opportunity removed the invisible wall we had, brought us closer and more understanding of each other than before.
4- Have patience. I noticed since we moved from a big house with a yard to a small apartment with daily multiple dog walking, my fuse was ready to blow. Alas, we do have a beautiful big home we’re building. It’s coming. I’m learning to be better at patience. I’m constantly learning to go with the flow. Embracing precious time and learning life doesn’t always go as planned.
5- Laugh. When it comes to blowbacks, I always try to laugh and believe that it can turn a lot of things around if you don’t let it hang over your head. I’ve noticed Justin can get easily frustrated over the smallest things and I can tell he notices he wants to try to laugh things off like I do. It’s okay to smile.
6- I realized how important it is to look ahead and see a bright future. What’s behind doesn’t define today. Always change for the best. Most importantly, I’m still learning to be me. Not that I never knew who I am or was, that it’s okay to be me. That it’s okay to be where we are, to enjoy the little things today.
On a side note, I had forgotten how much fun designing your house is. It’s our third home we’ve owned and as much as I didn’t want to leave our last house, this one is going to be amazing. Another blank canvas for me to decorate! A better garage gym! An amazing kitchen and bigger laundry room! What more could this deaf girl ask for?
It’s only been 3 months into the move. While we’re constantly exploring what Texas has to offer, awaiting our home to be built with a yard that’s perfect for our dogs, I have a real good feeling next year will be our best year yet!
I recently took a new job and then a couple weeks later I decided it wasn’t for me. I felt I couldn’t do the job they wanted me to. I’m a well trained licensed Registered Dental Hygienist. The heck? It wasn’t personal at all. The job wasn’t for me anyways.
But…I felt bad. I was literally beating myself up for it. “Should I have given it more thoughts? More chances?”
In all honestly, I came to realization that I just simply wasn’t happy. If you’re not in a good place at an office, why bother? Get out as soon as you can. Period.
But then soon after I gave my notice, they were fighting for me to stay and were willing to work with me. I laid my cards out and got over my fears of not being the “right fit”. It eventually got better. I felt more in control and things flowed much easier. I was “fitting in” and was able to do the job I take pride in.
So let’s get to the topic.
How do you find ways to fit in?
I get a lot of questions from readers about fitting in. I often wonder why this is a question I get most.
Granted. I grew up in a hearing family and use oral speech. I also went to a school for the deaf briefly and used ASL.
It is uncomfortable trying to fit in. Feeling weird about meeting others is okay. Showing who you are, being yourself, flaunting your hearing aids/cochlear implant is okay. If you hide who you really are inside, is not okay.
Having a disability and fitting in with normal people IS hard. You are not alone. I try to let all things go when I meet people. I stay confident and smile with grace. I don’t take things too personal when they say something similar to “oh I didn’t know you were deaf” or something along those lines. It’s all apart of getting to know people right? If someone you don’t know says something personal to you and it’s something you don’t like to hear, tell them the truth. They will understand you as a person with a disability and confide in you to learn about your hearing loss. Teach them with grace. (Unless they are an asshole, then it’s a different story.)
You are in control of fitting in.
“Fitting in” is meant to be uncomfortable.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Have patience with people. They may not have patience with you but be the bigger person when this happens. Smile and kill them with kindness.
When you do things you enjoy such as dance classes, yoga, Crossfit, ASL, dental hygiene, etc, you’ll meet people who enjoy the same thing.
You will fit in when you’re meant to. People who don’t want you to fit in are assholes. If you meet assholes, RUN. (While you’re running, throw that middle finger up in the air. Okay, maybe not running with middle fingers but remember this, you’re standing ten feet taller than them. Even though it may not feel like it.)
Who really cares if they don’t like YOU.
It’s all apart of growth. You adapt and others will adapt with you. (I hope they do.)
That being said, just be yourself, your confident self.